Tuesday, January 18, 2011
9 months ago Palmer Rubin (my Lord and Savior) made love to Cheez-Its Babies?!
This is Becca isn't it...
Monday, January 3, 2011
Best Films of 2010
1. True Grit- probably the best Western ever made, although it does not have a whole lot of action and has one of the worst endings I've ever seen, it is still a must see movie no matter who you are, and one of those few movies both genders will like. Standouts include Jeff Bridges playing the best role of his career as a fat drunk cowboy who kicks ass and Hailee Stenfield (her first time acting), playing as the 2nd baddest girl this year and both of them deserve Oscars at the very least. Matt Damon plays as a hilarious Texas Ranger (also a career best). Basically put, for every actor in this film, it is their best role. 10 out of 10.
2. Kick-Ass- Though it has no flaws, and is one of the greatest super hero films ever made, parents are not going to like this, because it involves a young girl brutally murdering several mobsters in the best scene of the whole movie. But for all people who have a life, this movie is awesome. Like True Grit, all of the actors are awesome and only Christopher Mintz-Plasse does not have a career defining role (that would be as McLovin in Superbad; he's just as awesome here). The best one by far is Chloe Moretz, who is the bad-ass superhero Hit-Girl; like Hailee Stenfield, she also deserves an Oscar. Nicolas Cage is her dad, a Batman-esque superhero called Big Daddy, and Aaron Johnson (though you probably won't know him) plays the title role of the first real-life superhero.
3. Inception- Just because the guy who made the Dark Knight (Christopher Nolan) directed this, it's on the list. Thankfully, it's almost as good, with a great concept and probably the best digital effects of the year. Some of the actors aren't so good (like Marion Cotillard, who plays as a ghost of Leo DiCaprio's wife and is apparently an Oscar winner), but other than that, top rate movie. Critics don't like this film because they don't like Nolan, but ignore them and watch it.
4. The Social Network- I haven't seen this film yet, but it looks awesome, and everyone seems to like it. It's about the creation of Facebook, and I'm putting it this high in the list because in almost every other Best Of like it appeared at number one.
5. Toy Story 3- not often that a Disney movie would make any list at all except Worst Of lists, but Toy Story did somehow. Being one of two good franchises at Disney (the other being Pirates of the Caribbean) helps a little. One flaw it has is that most of the characters are extremely stupid (especially all the human characters), but the ones that are good are incredible. Obviously Woody and Buzz are on that list, so is that piggy bank, but the best two are Ken (the movie's riff on an interrogation scene with him is hysterical), and Lots-O-Huggin-Bear. That a teddy bear could be one of the best villains of the year is shocking, sure, but he also wins the Best Disney Villain award too. The plot is also top notch, playing like a kiddie version of a prison escape. Some parts don't do well: the beginning and end scenes especially, the first one being a made up fight between Woody and the piggy bank, calling himself Doctor Porkchop, and the last scene being their original owner giving them away to a little girl. When this movie is bad, it is BAD, but the good far outweighs that.
6. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World- definitely the weirdest film on the list, and the biggest so-bad-it-is-good film here, but that's what makes this film good. Although the plot isn't so great (it comes from an indie comic book and involves Scott Pilgrim having to fight the League of Evil Ex-Boyfriends, no joke), it's an example of taking something horrible and turning it into something awesome. The fight scenes are the best of the year, each one ending in a really weird way (a Bollywood guy gets hit in the face with a trash can after concluding a dance number a la Slumdog Millionaire, a vegan with superpowers is tricked into drinking milk, etc.). The characters are also so weird you can't help but like them, also. It's hard to explain this one, but watch it and you'll see.
7. The Other Guys- I expected almost nothing watching this one, but i ended up laughing my head off at this one. It has Will Ferrell doing his thing, Mark Wahlberg doing ballet, Eva Mendes roleplaying as an old lady, and Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson as two supercops. The one bad moment of the film is also the most confusing, as the Jackson and the Johnson commit suicide after their perp escapes a crime scene. Thankfully, it makes up for it by Will Ferrell and another cop literally getting into a silent fight at their funeral. Also, it has Eva Mendes, who is so unaware that she's hot in this movie that she gets confused when Wahlberg begins unconsciously kissing her neck. It also has the best sex scene of the year (don't worry parents, no actually sex or nudity is shown), because she roleplays as an old lady and Will Ferrell tells her: "I'm gonna break your hip." One of the funniest movies of the year, so watch it.
Other notable entries include Red, The A-Team (including the best tattoo of 2010), etc.
2. Kick-Ass- Though it has no flaws, and is one of the greatest super hero films ever made, parents are not going to like this, because it involves a young girl brutally murdering several mobsters in the best scene of the whole movie. But for all people who have a life, this movie is awesome. Like True Grit, all of the actors are awesome and only Christopher Mintz-Plasse does not have a career defining role (that would be as McLovin in Superbad; he's just as awesome here). The best one by far is Chloe Moretz, who is the bad-ass superhero Hit-Girl; like Hailee Stenfield, she also deserves an Oscar. Nicolas Cage is her dad, a Batman-esque superhero called Big Daddy, and Aaron Johnson (though you probably won't know him) plays the title role of the first real-life superhero.
3. Inception- Just because the guy who made the Dark Knight (Christopher Nolan) directed this, it's on the list. Thankfully, it's almost as good, with a great concept and probably the best digital effects of the year. Some of the actors aren't so good (like Marion Cotillard, who plays as a ghost of Leo DiCaprio's wife and is apparently an Oscar winner), but other than that, top rate movie. Critics don't like this film because they don't like Nolan, but ignore them and watch it.
4. The Social Network- I haven't seen this film yet, but it looks awesome, and everyone seems to like it. It's about the creation of Facebook, and I'm putting it this high in the list because in almost every other Best Of like it appeared at number one.
5. Toy Story 3- not often that a Disney movie would make any list at all except Worst Of lists, but Toy Story did somehow. Being one of two good franchises at Disney (the other being Pirates of the Caribbean) helps a little. One flaw it has is that most of the characters are extremely stupid (especially all the human characters), but the ones that are good are incredible. Obviously Woody and Buzz are on that list, so is that piggy bank, but the best two are Ken (the movie's riff on an interrogation scene with him is hysterical), and Lots-O-Huggin-Bear. That a teddy bear could be one of the best villains of the year is shocking, sure, but he also wins the Best Disney Villain award too. The plot is also top notch, playing like a kiddie version of a prison escape. Some parts don't do well: the beginning and end scenes especially, the first one being a made up fight between Woody and the piggy bank, calling himself Doctor Porkchop, and the last scene being their original owner giving them away to a little girl. When this movie is bad, it is BAD, but the good far outweighs that.
6. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World- definitely the weirdest film on the list, and the biggest so-bad-it-is-good film here, but that's what makes this film good. Although the plot isn't so great (it comes from an indie comic book and involves Scott Pilgrim having to fight the League of Evil Ex-Boyfriends, no joke), it's an example of taking something horrible and turning it into something awesome. The fight scenes are the best of the year, each one ending in a really weird way (a Bollywood guy gets hit in the face with a trash can after concluding a dance number a la Slumdog Millionaire, a vegan with superpowers is tricked into drinking milk, etc.). The characters are also so weird you can't help but like them, also. It's hard to explain this one, but watch it and you'll see.
7. The Other Guys- I expected almost nothing watching this one, but i ended up laughing my head off at this one. It has Will Ferrell doing his thing, Mark Wahlberg doing ballet, Eva Mendes roleplaying as an old lady, and Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson as two supercops. The one bad moment of the film is also the most confusing, as the Jackson and the Johnson commit suicide after their perp escapes a crime scene. Thankfully, it makes up for it by Will Ferrell and another cop literally getting into a silent fight at their funeral. Also, it has Eva Mendes, who is so unaware that she's hot in this movie that she gets confused when Wahlberg begins unconsciously kissing her neck. It also has the best sex scene of the year (don't worry parents, no actually sex or nudity is shown), because she roleplays as an old lady and Will Ferrell tells her: "I'm gonna break your hip." One of the funniest movies of the year, so watch it.
Other notable entries include Red, The A-Team (including the best tattoo of 2010), etc.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Movie of the Week: November 12, 2010
"Unstoppable," starring Denzel Washington
Think of this like Thomas the Tank Engine on heroin and you get this, the story of a train with several cars with nuclear waste attached to it wreaking havoc in Nowhere-Ville, USA. It is effectively a missile, if the other cars are hit, the train will explode in a 40 mile long explosion...or at least that's what the commercial says. Reviews so far have been pretty good, and Denzel Washington is still cool, so compared to all the other crap coming out this week, this is the best choice you have.
Think of this like Thomas the Tank Engine on heroin and you get this, the story of a train with several cars with nuclear waste attached to it wreaking havoc in Nowhere-Ville, USA. It is effectively a missile, if the other cars are hit, the train will explode in a 40 mile long explosion...or at least that's what the commercial says. Reviews so far have been pretty good, and Denzel Washington is still cool, so compared to all the other crap coming out this week, this is the best choice you have.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Movie of the Week: November 5, 2010
"Due Date," starring Robert Downey Jr, Zach Galifianakis and Jamie Foxx
Basic story: Downey is a dude trying to get from Atlanta to LA to see the birth of his child, gets kicked off the plane, and is forced to go with Galifianakis on a road trip. Hilarity is what happens next.
That's because this movie has got the stars of Iron Man and The Hangover, along with the director of The Hangover. This means that you should probably make the safe choice between this and the probably stupid "Megamind." Watch this movie if you want to keep your soul.
Basic story: Downey is a dude trying to get from Atlanta to LA to see the birth of his child, gets kicked off the plane, and is forced to go with Galifianakis on a road trip. Hilarity is what happens next.
That's because this movie has got the stars of Iron Man and The Hangover, along with the director of The Hangover. This means that you should probably make the safe choice between this and the probably stupid "Megamind." Watch this movie if you want to keep your soul.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Movie of the Week: September 3
"Machete," starring Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Steven Seagal, Robert De Niro, Cheech Marin and Danny Trejo
Machete is by Robert Rodriguez, who had made some really crappy movies, the "Spy Kids" movies and "The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl." But he's also made some really badass flicks, usually with Antonio Banderas. Machete is about an ex-Mexican cop who fights against a bunch of Americans trying to get all illegal immigrants deported. The trailer looks badass, and it has Jessica Alba. 'Nuff said. Watch this damn movie.
Machete is by Robert Rodriguez, who had made some really crappy movies, the "Spy Kids" movies and "The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl." But he's also made some really badass flicks, usually with Antonio Banderas. Machete is about an ex-Mexican cop who fights against a bunch of Americans trying to get all illegal immigrants deported. The trailer looks badass, and it has Jessica Alba. 'Nuff said. Watch this damn movie.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Extra Movie of the Week: August 20, 2010
Shoot, I forgot about a couple other movies, so I'll write em here
"Piranha 3D" and "Vampires Suck"
Note: starting next week, only ONE movie will be talked about
"Piranha 3D," starring Doc Brown from Back to the Future
A bunch of evil piranhas attack a lake. It's like Jaws.
"Vampires Suck," starring that guy from the Hangover
It's from the fellas who made Scary Movie, so if you like that kind of thing, this is right up your alley. It also makes fun of the world's worst books and movies, Twilight, so that's another good reason. Just shut your eyes whenever a male character is shirtless (in the actual movies, which I was forced to watch, the whole damn time) and you're good.
"Piranha 3D" and "Vampires Suck"
Note: starting next week, only ONE movie will be talked about
"Piranha 3D," starring Doc Brown from Back to the Future
A bunch of evil piranhas attack a lake. It's like Jaws.
"Vampires Suck," starring that guy from the Hangover
It's from the fellas who made Scary Movie, so if you like that kind of thing, this is right up your alley. It also makes fun of the world's worst books and movies, Twilight, so that's another good reason. Just shut your eyes whenever a male character is shirtless (in the actual movies, which I was forced to watch, the whole damn time) and you're good.
Movie of the Week: August 20, 2010
OK, I've been off for a while because of school, but I thought that since I have enough time now, I'll start a (generic) once a week segment called Movie of the Week, or the movie that looks the best.
Tie between "Lottery Ticket" and "The Switch"
"Lottery Ticket," starring Bow Wow, T-Pain, Ice Cube
If you're a movie buff like me, you'll know that it's about a dude from the projects in Atlanta (my home town!) who wins 370 million smackers in a lottery. Then everyone starts trying to steal it from him. It's got Ice Cube, who's the only chubby rapper to be an action movie star, and T-Pain, who made "I'm On A Boat" awesome. So it looks pretty good, and at least it's not "Nanny McPhee Returns"
"The Switch," starring Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston
Now, normally, you're not gonna find a rom-com on the blog because of my gender (male), but this one actually looks funny. Bateman is Jennifer Aniston's best friend who is secretly into her (it's kind of hard to see how). She's getting old, so she decides to get artificially inseminated by sticking a baster (read: big eye dropper) into her nether regions and squirting some...uh...you know...in there to get her pregnant. To do this in the worst way possible, she has an entire party just so the donor can jack off into a little cup, then she'll put the stuff in a baster. It would've just worked out better if they'd just had sex, but a drunk Bateman accidentally destroys the stuff, and out of desperation jacks off into the cup. So the kid is actually his.
The kid is a paranoid, horror-movie looking kid who talks about diseases I can't even pronounce. But the kid's the best part, whoever they picked is a natural. So yes, it's a rom-com with Jennifer Aniston, but it's about really weird ways to have a kid. I promise this will be the only rom-com to pop up here.
Tie between "Lottery Ticket" and "The Switch"
"Lottery Ticket," starring Bow Wow, T-Pain, Ice Cube
If you're a movie buff like me, you'll know that it's about a dude from the projects in Atlanta (my home town!) who wins 370 million smackers in a lottery. Then everyone starts trying to steal it from him. It's got Ice Cube, who's the only chubby rapper to be an action movie star, and T-Pain, who made "I'm On A Boat" awesome. So it looks pretty good, and at least it's not "Nanny McPhee Returns"
"The Switch," starring Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston
Now, normally, you're not gonna find a rom-com on the blog because of my gender (male), but this one actually looks funny. Bateman is Jennifer Aniston's best friend who is secretly into her (it's kind of hard to see how). She's getting old, so she decides to get artificially inseminated by sticking a baster (read: big eye dropper) into her nether regions and squirting some...uh...you know...in there to get her pregnant. To do this in the worst way possible, she has an entire party just so the donor can jack off into a little cup, then she'll put the stuff in a baster. It would've just worked out better if they'd just had sex, but a drunk Bateman accidentally destroys the stuff, and out of desperation jacks off into the cup. So the kid is actually his.
The kid is a paranoid, horror-movie looking kid who talks about diseases I can't even pronounce. But the kid's the best part, whoever they picked is a natural. So yes, it's a rom-com with Jennifer Aniston, but it's about really weird ways to have a kid. I promise this will be the only rom-com to pop up here.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
formspring.me
When was the last time you received flowers?
I'm a guy, why would I get flowers for anything?
Friday, November 6, 2009
Movie Review "Land of the Lost"
"Land of the Lost," with Will Ferrell
I didn't know till the movie came out in theaters that this was based on a TV show. I was even more worried when my parents told me that the show this was based on not only was stupid, but also wasn't even successful or popular back when it came out in the 70s. And worst of all, this film proves why Will Ferrell has only been in four good movies (the first two Austin Powers films, Talladega Nights, and Blades of Glory).
This movie takes every funny thing you can imagine and throws it out the window. It uses scatological humor (Will Ferrell gets pooped out of a T-Rex) and plain old stupid humor (Will Ferrell makes out with a primitive human). None of it is funny, and it involves his character creating a broken down looking device that sends him, another scientist and a general shop owner to the Land of the Lost, where past, present, and future are all mixed up. There Will Ferrell attempts to play action hero, fighting a T-Rex and reptile things called Sleestaks (and a tunic foreshadows the whole movie). So that's about it. Don't watch it, unless you want Jurasic Park combined with Back to the Future and a little bit of The Matrix with none of the awesomeness.
Score: 4/10
I didn't know till the movie came out in theaters that this was based on a TV show. I was even more worried when my parents told me that the show this was based on not only was stupid, but also wasn't even successful or popular back when it came out in the 70s. And worst of all, this film proves why Will Ferrell has only been in four good movies (the first two Austin Powers films, Talladega Nights, and Blades of Glory).
This movie takes every funny thing you can imagine and throws it out the window. It uses scatological humor (Will Ferrell gets pooped out of a T-Rex) and plain old stupid humor (Will Ferrell makes out with a primitive human). None of it is funny, and it involves his character creating a broken down looking device that sends him, another scientist and a general shop owner to the Land of the Lost, where past, present, and future are all mixed up. There Will Ferrell attempts to play action hero, fighting a T-Rex and reptile things called Sleestaks (and a tunic foreshadows the whole movie). So that's about it. Don't watch it, unless you want Jurasic Park combined with Back to the Future and a little bit of The Matrix with none of the awesomeness.
Score: 4/10
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Movie Review "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra"
"G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra," with Channing Tautum, Dennis Quaid, one of the Wayan brothers, and that guy who was in that "(500) Days of Summer" movie
The same guy who made this made The Mummy (the one with Brenden Fraser, who makes a cameo), so they both are the same thing. Cheesy. As hell. For people who were not kids in the 80s, this movie is based on the newer G.I. Joe stuff, not the original. So that's why there's laser guns, ninjas, and really tacky armor that would make Iron Man go into hysterics. The movie has been made for both kids and adults at the same time. But maybe that's why it's so good.
I hated this movie at first. The first several minute consists of some guy in the 1600s getting burned in the face, and some army guys being attacked by dudes with *squeal* laser guns. Eventually, it gets to the point where, stupid or not, you can't help but like it.
Don't get me wrong, this is good, but Transformers outdoes it by a lot. It looks better, has better characters, plot, and a lot more laughs. In Transformers, the comedy is unintentional and therefore hilarious. In this, they try on purpose, and mess up. There's also some things that even as sci-fi as this movie gets, cannot possibly happen. The redheaded woman (who is the "Megan Fox" of the movie and almost as hot) graduated college at twelve, according to another one of the Joes. A woman that hot graduating at that age? Nahhhh. And in another scene, where Channing Tautum's character is led into the evil lair, in the freezing cold wearing a leather jacket and jeans and everyone else is wearing thin clothes, how come they act like it's Miami? God knows.
But if you want a decent action flick (and you don't mind Iron Man ripoffs), then this is for you. But don't expect anything spectacular.
Score: 7/10
Hot Redhead Chick Score: 9.9/10
The same guy who made this made The Mummy (the one with Brenden Fraser, who makes a cameo), so they both are the same thing. Cheesy. As hell. For people who were not kids in the 80s, this movie is based on the newer G.I. Joe stuff, not the original. So that's why there's laser guns, ninjas, and really tacky armor that would make Iron Man go into hysterics. The movie has been made for both kids and adults at the same time. But maybe that's why it's so good.
I hated this movie at first. The first several minute consists of some guy in the 1600s getting burned in the face, and some army guys being attacked by dudes with *squeal* laser guns. Eventually, it gets to the point where, stupid or not, you can't help but like it.
Don't get me wrong, this is good, but Transformers outdoes it by a lot. It looks better, has better characters, plot, and a lot more laughs. In Transformers, the comedy is unintentional and therefore hilarious. In this, they try on purpose, and mess up. There's also some things that even as sci-fi as this movie gets, cannot possibly happen. The redheaded woman (who is the "Megan Fox" of the movie and almost as hot) graduated college at twelve, according to another one of the Joes. A woman that hot graduating at that age? Nahhhh. And in another scene, where Channing Tautum's character is led into the evil lair, in the freezing cold wearing a leather jacket and jeans and everyone else is wearing thin clothes, how come they act like it's Miami? God knows.
But if you want a decent action flick (and you don't mind Iron Man ripoffs), then this is for you. But don't expect anything spectacular.
Score: 7/10
Hot Redhead Chick Score: 9.9/10
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