Saturday, October 31, 2009

Movie Review "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra"

"G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra," with Channing Tautum, Dennis Quaid, one of the Wayan brothers, and that guy who was in that "(500) Days of Summer" movie

The same guy who made this made The Mummy (the one with Brenden Fraser, who makes a cameo), so they both are the same thing. Cheesy. As hell. For people who were not kids in the 80s, this movie is based on the newer G.I. Joe stuff, not the original. So that's why there's laser guns, ninjas, and really tacky armor that would make Iron Man go into hysterics. The movie has been made for both kids and adults at the same time. But maybe that's why it's so good.

I hated this movie at first. The first several minute consists of some guy in the 1600s getting burned in the face, and some army guys being attacked by dudes with *squeal* laser guns. Eventually, it gets to the point where, stupid or not, you can't help but like it.

Don't get me wrong, this is good, but Transformers outdoes it by a lot. It looks better, has better characters, plot, and a lot more laughs. In Transformers, the comedy is unintentional and therefore hilarious. In this, they try on purpose, and mess up. There's also some things that even as sci-fi as this movie gets, cannot possibly happen. The redheaded woman (who is the "Megan Fox" of the movie and almost as hot) graduated college at twelve, according to another one of the Joes. A woman that hot graduating at that age? Nahhhh. And in another scene, where Channing Tautum's character is led into the evil lair, in the freezing cold wearing a leather jacket and jeans and everyone else is wearing thin clothes, how come they act like it's Miami? God knows.

But if you want a decent action flick (and you don't mind Iron Man ripoffs), then this is for you. But don't expect anything spectacular.

Score: 7/10

Hot Redhead Chick Score: 9.9/10

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Movie Review "Year One"

"Year One," with Jack Black, Michael Cera, Paul Rudd, Harold Ramis, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin!)

Year One is like what Ghostbusters would be if it was a Geico commercial. That's actually kind of a good thing. The movie combines hilarious moments with some really bad ones. Thankfully, it's more funny than not funny.

Year One actually has some untold back story. First of all, it's not really "year one," more like year nine hundred something, since Adam (Harold Ramis) as an old man appears in it. But anyway, apparently the cavemen have settled where the Garden of Eden is, because on of them (Jack Black) eats the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. He comments that it has a "sort of knowledge-y taste." Not really, since him and Michael Cera get kicked out of their cavemen tribe, and form (according to Black's character) the "muscle tribe of power and excellence." So they wander around the Middle East and biblical history from Cain and Abel to Sodom. It's funny especially because Black's character (named Zed) is convinced he's chosen by God to do something, while Cera's character (named Oh) ends up inventing atheism when he wanders in Sodom's holy room where the "gods" are said to be. The comments involving them are mostly hilarious and will have you in hysterics.

Which is where it screws up. Sort of. Christopher Mintz-Plasse (playing the role of a "McLovin-ized" Issac) has some of the worst lines in the movie, and it's Harold Ramis' (the director) fault. After films like Superbad, he deserves a much better role. And there's way too many scatological stuff. All of that is mostly Michael Cera, as he pukes, gives an oil rub to a hairy makeup wearing fat guy, and pees into his own nose while he's upside down. Meanwhile, Jack Black eats bear crap (literally). Other than that and some really stupid characters (Cain and Abel, everyone but Zed, Oh, a hot princess, Abraham and Issac), the movie is really good. But if you don't like Ghostbusters (which you should), then you shouldn't watch this.

Score: 8/10

McLovin score: 11/10

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Movie Review "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" and "My Life in Ruins"

Yeah, it's been almost a week since I saw these, but I'll try to review them.

"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," with everyone from all of the other Harry Potter movies

This movie's plot is a lot simpler than the other ones. The plot is "ooooh, even wizards have girl trouble and Dumbledore dies." Yeah. He dies. But since it's been half a decade since the book came out (I think), it's not that shocking. It's kind of funny in some parts, actually. There are moments that will make you crack up. But the best parts of the book are the worst parts of the movie. But if you're not a big-time Harry Potter fan, it won't be that painful. The plot also involves looking at memories about the series' main villain, Voldemort (who appears for about two seconds in the movie). Boring stuff, obviously made to look like a horror movie. It's boring. Almost all of it is.


"My Life in Ruins," starring that woman from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"

"My Big Fat Greek Wedding" in Greece. That is the whole movie. Woman has no life, finds perfect male on first try. But while the Big Fat Greek Wedding is actually funny, probably one of the best rom-coms out there (and since 99% of rom-coms sucks, when I like one, that's good). But take that, take everything good out of it, and you have this. The main character is a woman tour guide. She's an American Greek living in Greece. She has no life. Damn it. She constantly bitches about this, talking to her bearded bus driver about "how she hasn't had sex in forever" (that is not an actual quote). Then she takes her "last tour" with an eccentric group of people, and BOOM, suddenly she has everything.

Again, Big Fat Greek Wedding got away with this really good. This one doesn't. One scene in it is the one I remember the most, and the one that proves that either the woman who made this (also the main actress) has ran out of ideas or she forgot how to make things funny. Her, the bus driver, and her tour group are on a crappy bus driving, and her character introduces the bus driver. He says he wants the tour to know his nickname, and he says into the microphone she puts in front of his face, "Poopi." Later on, he announces that his last name is "Kakas." Both times, the tour laughs their heads off.

So Poopi Kakas the bus driver is actually the romantice interest. Wow, that's funny. And this movie really isn't going to be for anyone but fans of Big fat Greek Wedding. This one is more like Big Fat Greek Who Gives A Crap. Sounded stupid, yeah, but that's what this movie is.

Score: 4/10

Friday, October 9, 2009

Facebook Cause

Hey all,

I just joined a Cause on Facebook about destroying all hate groups towards Israel. So please join it if you have a Facebook account and help the cause. Check it out on Facebook under the app called Causes. Thanks a lot

Saturday, October 3, 2009

You Might Be a Redneck if you saw Jeff Foxworthy at the Airport

Yeah, I know, he's not Hannah Montana, but since I've never seen anyone famous before in my life (other than Jimmy Carter, i guess), I was shocked to see the famous stand-up comedian himself at the airport, in line behind me at the security checkpoint. I only heard two words from him (since I couldn't hear anything else he said), but once I heard "BRAD PITT?!" in his redneck voice (and I love this guy because he's hilarious), I knew it was the real deal. My dad's first response to this was trying to get me to get an autograph, but I didn't. I did see him giving a fist pound to some guy at the security checkpoint though. Ha ha. But all that moment needed was a "GIT-R-DONE" and it would've been perfect.

Book Review "The Lost Symbol"

"The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown

It's the sequel to the Da Vinci Code and it's awesome. It has all kinds of cliches (meaning that the plot is recycled from all of his other books), but it probably will have a movie out in three years.

The plot is Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks' character) running around Washington D.C. to find an ancient treasure of the Freemasons. Yeah, who cares, but there is a lot of plot twists if you pay attention to the characters. Yeah, there isn't much to say about this book, but if there's one book you should buy this year, this is it. Just ignore anything you don't understand and you'll have fun.