Saturday, July 11, 2009

Movie Review "Push" and about 20 minutes of "Inkheart"

"Push," with Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning

Push is a more realistic, gritty version of X-Men. Except instead of being called mutants, the super-powered people are known as "us", "them," and very vague terms suggesting them. Chris Evans (The Human Torch from "Fantastic Four"), is a "Mover," a guy who can use telekinesis. Dakota Fanning is a "Watcher," who can see the future. The two of them are trying to stop Division (which is a corrupt branch of the US government trying to capture all of the super-powered people in the world and create an army. The odd thing about Division is that their leader actually has super powers himself, and he's called a "Pusher," who can put thoughts in your mind. The super powered people's similarities to the X-Men are obvious. They're all pessimistic, whiny bastards who constantly mope about their powers, and don't really give give a damn about causing as much collateral damage as possible though they are the good guys. But at least X-Men had a plot, as stupid as it was.

The director of this film had no idea what he was doing. the plot is broken down into something like "must find case with thing needed to stop bad guys so we can rescue Dakota Fanning's mother and then everyone will be happy yayyyyyy". That really is the plot. The silver lining (kind of) is that it was done on purpose because the movie constantly acts like there's going to be a sequel. The guy who plays the main bad guy is the only guy doing a decent job, though he sucks as much as everybody else. It also said on the back cover that the guy who played as the villain was nominated for an Academy Award. Chris Evans' character is a total hotshot, and I've never really liked him in any of the roles he's in. Dakota Fanning completely fits the role, since the character is almost exactly like every other character she's played in movies. Then there's another "Pusher", played by some twenty-year-old (Oh, and she's dating one of the Jonas Brothers or something). Her character has three jobs in the movie, to make out with Chris Evans, to be all mysterious like, and to switch sides several times during the course of the movie.

There are many problems with it. One, no one in this knows how to make a film. The visual effects are really good. That's about it. The fight scenes are some of the blandest you will ever see. The main question I have about this film, is if it was filmed on such an obviously high level, why does the end result look like some crappy indie film? And why the hell does there need to be a scene with Dakota Fanning in a strip club (and no, she wasn't stripping herself)?

Score: 3/10

The first 20 minutes of "Inkheart," with Brendan Fraser.

Compared to "Push," which I just reviewed, that movie is an Academy Award winner. You need to be a special kind of bad where you immediately want everyone to die. I didn't see much of it, only about 20 minutes or so. But the recommended period of viewing time for this is about 2 minutes. There is only one bit of OK-ness in this piece of crap, and that is (oddly enough) Brendan Fraser. He is one of those horrible actors who keeps on going through inertia and yet you can't hate him. He personifies the dopey idiot who somehow is an action hero (because he isn't a badass). He also finally is starting to wrinkle, his neck looks like my grandpa's. Other than the comforting fact knowing that he's in his zone (because the movie that is geared towards teenagers but is actually watched by 4-year-olds is where he's king), suckage. His character can make the characters from books come to life. Yay. The movie constantly make lines about the "magic of books" and how they can be a "powerful weapon". This movie is a powerful weapon. It's a perfect torture device for the guards at Guantanamo Bay if they ever wanted to stop torturing the prisoners.

Score: 1/10

No comments: