Sunday, September 6, 2009

Movie Review "Star Trek"

"Star Trek," with that guy from that Lindsay Lohan movie, that guy from "Heroes," Tyler Perry, and Lenard Nimoy

I'm not a Trekkie. Hell, I was born in '95, and by then Star Trek had become the nerdiest of the nerdiest. This movie isn't going to change that Star Trek is a nerd-exclusive realm. But that doesn't mean it isn't a good movie.

It's about the "beginnings" of the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise (and I only know that because you see the dammned ship almost the whole movie, so you'll remember the name), with younger versions of Kirk, Spock, and the rest of the brave people in that ship, blah blah blah. This looks like the nerd version of the hilarious Transformers movie, because it has comedy at very brief moments (including a crew member named Scotty being sucked through the plumbing of the ship), but it is missing the ridiculous characters and a HOT WOMAN. There is a mildly hot one, but she is nothing compared to Megan Fox. So what, this movie isn't about ogling female body parts, it's about kids enjoying something that their parents like for ONCE.

And that's exactly where the movie screws up.

It's good, don't get me wrong. But there is NOTHING in this movie that would attract a large audience. It's good. But as good as it is, you can't help but not really GIVE a damn about any of the characters. Most of the movie is ships flying around, and people and aliens talking, there is almost no action, and almost no comedy. Who cares that such-and-such died. So WHAT? There's two fight scenes. TWO. Both last less than five minutes. The rest is talking and running around. No, three fight scenes. But no matter how violent you make it, no matter how much language you slip in, it still isn't on the magnitude of Star Wars, though it is better than the 3 newer Star Wars movies. You won't care about this movie, because Star Wars created characters you'll care about, but all Star Trek does is expect you to like it.

Which you probably will if you're an adult or ultra-mature teenager like myself. Because like I've said, it is a good movie. The acting is, for the most part, good. There is one exception, which is Tyler Perry, who sounds so stupid that you will groan the second you see him unless you like his crappy drama flicks that come out every year. Hell, he would've done a better job making his old fat woman character Madea as his character in this instead of "guy who dully says stuff." When he's not Madea, he sucks. But other than that, the actors are good, especially Lenard Nimoy, who plays "Old Spock," a version of himself from the future or something. Weird ass stuff. But when you see him, Trekkie or not, you will like this movie. Because he just FITS. So see this as your Star Wars substitute. It tastes different from the master of sci-fi, but that doesn't mean it tastes bad.

Score: 8/10

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